RING RING

[c.l.i.c.k]

Welcome to Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which button to press.
If you are manic-depressive it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer, no one cares.
If you believe you are possessed by the devil, press 6-6-6.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and is about to bite you on the ear.